A Year in Conclusion

do i dare be cliche and wish everyone a happy and blessed new year, yes, eventually, but not just yet, first i want to sum up some things:

it's been a year of God, getting to know Him more, learning the endlessness of His love, His ever-presence, and exploring the element of the spiritual in that most perfect way. things have been set in motion for this coming year, events that i can only anticipate with a ready heart

this year has been a year a friendships, growing in the ones already existing, and creating new ones to enrich my already wealthy life

especially in these past few weeks, i've been thinking about the shortage of time, the little bit of time before i have to officially "grow-up"- the falling hours till graduation, post-undergrad, a career and family, and most importantly- the very little time left till that glorious day in the sky, what else can be said but "there's so little time left and so much to be done"

as the year went on i couldn't understand why things were going the way they were, and i couldn't grasp why i was doing what i was doing, but now, in retrospect i see what it was the God was doing, setting a foundation and preparing the groundwork for what is to come in this next year and the years to come. my simple human mind couldn't comprehend the things of God as they were happening, and i still speak with some uncertainty of the future, but i can confidently say God has great things planned for 2006 so may it be blessed for the Glory of God.

wishing everyone a happy and blessed new year

tyna

White Pages

Ink stained pages that reveal a truth,
a secret, a mystery, and bits of history
my thoughts, my dreams, my visions and passions
the things that keep my up at night
and keep me dreaming during the daylight
words of love and comfort hate and anger
emotions that pierce my heart like a dagger
when I smiled I was emabarrased and
thought "what was i thinking"
when I cried without blinking
I felt the pain
remembering those moments
and letting tears fall like rain
They become spilt ink on white
pages and thoughts soon swallowed
in a sea of blue letters in a world of
white pages.

Ahh the Fun...

Beni's all smiles all the time,

Sammy's pretty with pink,

Ritz, Nav, and Farz are naturally happy people,

and altogether, ... we're on fire

Summer

this past summer i spent about 2 weeks in edmonton, it's an annual trip and i stay with my aunt and uncle who live a bit a ways from downtown edmonton- actually everyone does, people only work in downtown edmonton, it's like another world were people only live in the suburbs- weird. and these past few days i've been thinking about and mostly listening to all the sounds that make up this beautiful city of vancouver: sirens going off at 2am, car alarms triggered every 5 minutes, kids playing, people on cell phones, cars whizzing by at all hours of the day. and then there was edmonton: birds to wake you up with the sunrise who's rays softly flow in through the window, the sound of a fresh breeze on tall grass, people walking on the newly laid sidewalk, and stray leaves falling from the trees. edmonton is a great expanse of peace and tranquility, you step off the plane or out of the car and your compelled to follow the "laid-back-easy-going-cowboy" lifestyle it so elegantly presents.
of the two weeks i spent in edmonton i didn't feel relaxed until i had a coffee in my hand looking at a brighter than light computer screen surrounded by people with things to do, places to go and purchases to make- i was in the rare and elusive "white ave", it was great and i had the best few hours there than i did anywhere else in all of edmonton- the whole 2hours- in-the-back-seat-of-a-minivan-malayalee-uncle tour of edmonton.
and at this time right now, i really want to be back in edmonton- forgive me vancouver for i have spoken blasphemously- i want to go back to white ave with a book in hand and coffee in another with the sun shining down on a beautiful day- i want summer.


please note: in an earlier post i requested rain and got what i wanted, and i'm perfectly content with this- i just want to change of scenery for now

Thoughts of the minute

Recent musings, postings, and commenting on beni's blog have caused me to further think about those subjects upon which her most latest postings have been centered around
(ie marriage).
Upon reflection of couples within my own family, and the lives of popular couples on t.v. shows and celebrity news headliners- seeing as though they are the most reliable of representatives, i have been caused to ask the question "How do you spend the rest of your life with ONE person?". I've come to realize in an epiphany of the moment that being married to someone means, quite literally, spending the rest of your life with ONE person- denying of course the option of divorce, for which i personally have no preference for and shall not address further in this piece. I'm sure many of you readers can understand the frustrations of having to spend more than any minimal time with one person can be aggravating and an altogether and wholly unlovely situation, whether it be a sibling, a friend, or the person sitting next to you on a bus (however, this last example does not include the emotional attachment one would have with a spouse). If by some reason or joke played on you by God, you are caused to spend more than a full day with one person you begin to feel more aggravation, frustration, loathing and general dislike of the person- careful not to venture into the highly volatile area of hate, than love and emotional attachment.
Imagine, as i have have been these past few minutes, about spending every waking AND sleeping moment with ONE other person. Naturally there will be those hours in the day where spouses will not be in the physical presence of one another, but are they still not thinking of the other, and at least speaking to one another, in intervals, during the course of the day? Does this idea not frighten or at least place some hesitation in your minds about marriage and the eternal bonds of the act?

They did in mine,... but the moment has passed.

weekend update

1. i'm beyond tired and my eyes hurt from reading, my head hurts from studying and my hand hurts from writing- but i'm not complaining- just stating the facts. although i'm going nuts trying to study and remember information to regurgitate on exams- i'm thanking God for every moment i have in UBC (including the studying and cold and exams) it's a blessing and a priviledge to earn an education by the hands of God (and the state- but mostly God).

2. i'm missing the rain in vancouver, it just gets way below cold and it hasn't actually rained- we get heavy fog, but still no rain. i like vancouver rain and i'd like it to rain- just for old time sake, and to really get me in the CHRISTmas spirit

3. saturday was a blast. we had the Kerala Fellowship (KCF) CHRISTmas program and besides the brief moments of shaking because of stress and noise- it was an altogether sucessful and blessed evening

4. beni went to see NARNIA with her "other" friends (people from PMC) she said she'd take her sister and i'd take mine and we'd see it together... at the end of the day you know who your friends are. thanks beni, i was really looking forward to it- you crushed my dreams at a true friendship, "woe is me"

5. my family, farz and i went out to dinner last night to this diner looking restaurant. it was east african food: kebabs, chicken tikka, naans, and curries- it was so incredibly good. everyone ordered something different so i got to try a bit of each, it was ALL really good. you know how sometimes only some of the food is good and everybody only wants that one and everything that was ordered gets pushed to the side or swallowed with regret in their eyes. this was not that kind of food it was ALL so good. big portions too.

6. i'm staring at 2 floppy discs and 1 CD-rom sitting on my desk. remember the time when these where the "latest invention"? why do i still have these?- oh yeah because i still use them, ahaha

7. my youth pastor and wife are having a baby. i'm so excited for them. they told us in the most ingenious way and we were/are all so excited.

8. "i want out"

in a state of haze

1. Re: "argh":
so yeah my parents are old- but i didn't mean it that way- i love them but they're just getting older and can't travel like they used to so i don't know why they should try to- besides the fact that they need the break- but why drag me and my sister into it?

2. i started spending my whole days studying now since monday and this is really the only break i've had since then- i don't even remember where the week went. so many things to do, in so little time. did you know one day has 24 hours and not 16- as much as it feels like it only has 16 it really has 24- i'm shocked to have this revealed to me

3. everything's so christmasy it's nice and the chilling, bone-crisping cold is refreshing; i wish people new it was CHRISTmas and not christmas though

4. i'm out of words

argh

1. i have exams now and i'm in that "frustrated, tired, stressed don't get on my bad side" mood

2. my mom's latest great idea- "let's go to india this summer"- it's one that we've been hearing since we came back from india in '95 (we haven't gone back since)

3. i don't want to travel with my parents anymore- they're too old and just want to sit around and talk

4. i want to travel take a 18 hour flight to anywhere that's an 18 hour flight away- spend some time in a hut overlooking the ocean, during a monsoon rain, finish a book, and go for a walk on the beach and end my day with a sunset

5. i don't want to take an 18 hour long flight with my mom complaining about how the seats are too close together, the air hostess didn't get the water she asked for 20 minutes ago, land in an airport with my mom looking to me saying make sure you stay close, don't go anywhere, we'll pee when we get to the hotel, keep walking, hurry up, lets go lets go lets go- and spend the rest of my time in a foreign land visiting old relatives who continually ask "do you remember me?"

6. too frustrated to write any more

the joy of life

i'm sitting in a state of sleepiness, content, anxiety, and comfort all at the same time, it's vaguely snowing outside, and the house is warm. the only things i can think about are: my finished papers, missing my grandparents, exams, friends, and the lyrics of a song that suddenly means so much to me:

who am i that the Lord of all the earth
would care to know my name
would care to feel my hurt
who am i that the Bright and Morning Star
would choose to the light the way
for my ever wandering heart

not because of who i am
but because of what You've done
not because of what of i've done
but because of who You are

i am a flower quickly fading
here today and gone tomorrow
a wave tossed in the ocean
a vapour in the wind
still You hear my when i'm calling
catch me when i'm falling
and You've told me who i am
I am Yours, I am Yours

who am i that the eyes that see my sin
would look on me with love and watch me rise again
who am i that the voice that calmed the sea
would call out through the rain
and calm the storm in me

Casting Crowns

i am a flower quickly fading here today and gone tomorrow a wave tossed in the ocean a vapour in the wind still You hear my when i'm calling catch me when i'm falling and You've told me who i am I am Yours, I am Yours

i am so insignificant, one in a sea of many, unworthy, sinful and human, and yet He loves me enough to die for me.

Old Emails at 1am

From : Sharp Macheti
Sent : August 26, 2003 1:26:01 PM
To : tyna7, the_jiggy_bug, sammysmile54, coolbrat87
Subject : a begining
Hi ----Tyna, Nav, Sammy, and Farah...


My original purpose for this e-mail, was to convey how much respect and love I have for all of you. However, I am not as gifted as I imagined, and no words could ever describe my appreciation for all of you. This year has been one of the best of my life, and my happiness is due to your friendship. Each one of you have made an everlasting impression on me, and for that I am very thankful. Tyna-- your unending support, encouragement and compassion have truly made me a better person. Through you, I have learnt about being dedicated to a purpose and striving to achieve it.I admire you in so many ways, especially your unshakeable faith. Nav--although you say, "I could never be a buddhist!"I have to wholeheartedly disagree with you. I have never met someone with your sensitivity, and desire to help others. You are the epitome of a good person, and I hope you never lose that. You deserve all the happiness in the world. Sammy--You are the tomboyish sister I never had. Sometimes your straightforward advice was all that got me through the haze of being a very confused person. We laughed so much this year, our legendary walks home wil never be forgotten because it is through those walks, that I learnt so much about you. I am honored to be your friend sammy.
Farah--In a day and age where "think positive!" is a mantra, you have made it a part of your life. Your positivity will lead you to great places in life. I know you have the passion and determination that many others would envy.

Thank you all for giving me the chance to be a part of your lives. I hope we will all grow together. I wish you all the best in years to come. I know you will all succeed. And if one of us feels down, we will just hold another Study Group.


When one has good friends,
And is reverential and respectful,
Doing what one's friends advise.
Clearly comprehending and mindful,
One may progressively attain
The destruction of all problems.

---The Buddha's Book--Of Daily Meditations

From: tyna7
To: macheti
Subject: confusion is the only thing that makes sense
Sent: February 25, 2004 10:06:52 AM
i'm feeling really awckward, i just want to sit in some corner on a comfy chair, and just sit and watch the world, i don't want to do anything i just want to watch the choas, confusion, peace, stability, intertwining and coming together; i want to be the audience in this symphony of movement, with God as the composer and the hubub as the intruments on which the people play, i want to be the audience, alone in my corner watching and nothing more. i'm not stressed, just tired.don't you wish you could do that? just take a step back, where ever you are and just watch. not be a part of anything just for a moment and just watch?

From :Farah S.
Sent : May 24, 2005 1:56:20 PM
To : macheti, the_jiggy_bug, sammysmile54, tyna7
Subject : what do you say?
Hey ladies,
Now, because i'm probably the laziest person on the face of this here earth and or because getting us all together in one place is akin to spinal surgery, I write this e-mail. As you are aware of i'm movnig, how fun, and I thought i'd let all of you know how much I appreciate you, my beautiful, dysfuntional, precious, rare, friends.
I know i'm only moving to another city and not another province or country all together, but everytime i've moved in my life I don't think i've let the people who matter know how much they do to me. It's breaking from habit.
I'm constantly living in a state of wonderful denial and I don't know how much i'm willing or all of you are to admit that seeing each other might be somewhat of a rareity from here on end. Life's happening all around us and our school, our impending careers and god knows what else will keep us very very very busy. I didn't think that in 4 years I would find one let alone four people who would be so important and teach me so much. I love you. I'm thankfull for knowing you.
I woke up this morning and realised our phone number no longer exists, I noticed how empty the house is and I realised this is change. I realised tommorow night is the last here.
I bid you goodbye if I don't see you. So, good bye.

Shape without form, shade without colour, paralysed force, gesture without motion...