pristine

i was in a grumpy mood since this morning, i woke up late, actually i woke up really early turned off my alarm, then went back to sleep, and then i woke up late, traffic was misplaced today, the drive into campus looked serene but it was really deceptively trecherous, and it was terribly cold, unwholesomely cold- by this i mean -10 degrees C. but this is vancouver, so that's cold. i went to my stats class where i realized i don't like math at all. then went to Koerner library where i let my toes freeze for about an hour till i decided they're not going to turn the heat on so i might as well go to Barber. got some studying done while at barber, then went for lunch at the SUB, and then due to some drama left the SUB and had lunch at Nando's- good company and better food... ended up going home earlier than expected because it started to snow again. listened to some oldie music and some new stuff- but generally good. came home downloaded some nelly furtado and feeling so much better.

on my way from Koerner to Barber i was looking around and everything i saw pushed me to test my last nerve, and by the time i sat down i wanted to scream at everyone in the library and particularly the people sitting near me who kept talking about biology- like it's interesting! riiiiiiight. so i took a piece of paper and wrote all the things i hate, the things that despise me and annoy me, everything from the most minute qualities of myself to the terrible crises going on in the world, then i folded up the sheets (turned up being two and a half pages) and tucked them away so i wouldn't have to look at them because right now i have more pressing issues to concern myself with. and what a release! it felt so good.

and now i want to melt into bed with a book and read myself to sleep... but i can't i have many pressing issues to address....

Trying to Remember

people keep asking me, how was your week/weekend, but i haven't been able to remember anything that's been going on in these past few weeks, it's all been a haze of time and space, everyday seems to go by faster each night gets a little shorter and i'm wandering in this whirl-wind of colour trying to figure out what needs to be done next.

it's snowing outside, keep in mind, it's november, in vancouver- the city that doesn't stop raining. i like the snow- but i'm dreading driving in it.

i got a new camera, i'm taking it everywhere with me- the novelty hasn't worn off yet, and i'm still experimenting with the different settings and generally having fun with it. and thus i've created a flickr site... along with everyone else... and so here are my photos

i was having a conversation with a friend that caused me to think about God's love- i tried to imagine what it was like for someone to love, without reservation, question, or limit, love someone without them knowing it, loving them without their love in return, loving them to no end... i couldn't do it.

GodSpeak

i had an awesome weekend, the kind of awesome that happens when God's around. i spent it in prayer and discussion, and i'm feeling so much better.

But now, this is what the Lord says- he who created you, O Jacob, he who formed you, O Israel: "Fear not for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze.
For I am the Lord, your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Saviour; Since you are precious and honoured in my sight, and because I love you, Do not be afraid, for I am with you
"You are my witness," declares the Lord, "and my servant whom I have chosen, so that you may know and believe me and understand that I am He. I , even I, am the Lord, and apart from me there is no saviour.
I have revealed and saved and proclaimed- I, and not some foreign god among you. "You are my witnesses" declares the Lord, "that I am God".
This is what the Lord says- he who made a way through the sea, a path through the mighty waters, who drew out the chariots and horses, the army and reinforcements together, and they lay there, never to rise again, extinguished, snuffed out like a wick:
"Forget the former things; do not dwell in the past. See, I am doing a new thing! Now it springs up; do you not perceive it? I am making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland. I provide water in the desert and streams in the wasteland, to give drink to my people, my chosen, the people I formed for myself that they may proclaim my praise."
(selections from Isaiah 43)

there was a moment, just a second when i doubted God, and since then i can't explain the emotions i went through, i tried in my last post, but reading it again i realized i came nowhere close to saying what i felt.

but even in that moment when i doubted God, when i thought "how will He get me through this?", He still loves me and He still keeps His plans for me, and still He offers me the world.

To God, whom i love, because He first loved me.